'Speeching'

Talk about a lesson in humiliation. Actually, it's not THAT bad. But I have had develop thicker skin over the past couple of weeks or so, and I have also began...begun?..began! to re-evaluate certain aspects of what I do. Let me 'splain.

Firstly, braces themselves don't really affect speech. I've learned that much. Yeah, you have to wear wax or build up some callasouses inside your mouth to really get used to them but they don't affect speech sounds. What affects speech sounds are all the appliances and thingamabobs the ortho likes to glue inside your mouth off and on throughout your Brace Lifetime.

Working at a small charter school I've seen lots of cool appliances. I've seen palate expanders, retainers, metal plates that extend down from the roof of the mouth on one side or the other to prevent the child from lateralizing his/her jaw, and these Medieval-looking pokey wires that curl back into a kid's mouth preventing him/her from either sucking the thumb or thrusting their tongue during swallow/speech. And then I have a bite plate which is sorta like a retainer but thicker I think. I can't take it out for 6-9 months. I'm hoping to get it out sooner...for good behavior, lol. Sorry, that was lame. So let's also take a minute to relate that to what I do. At this school I have kids from kinder through 8th grade. I've got kids in 1st through 8th with braces in various phrases. They start 'em young out here. I've got kids working on all the major sounds, too: k, g, s, z, sh, ch, j, zh, r, l, and blends. Depending on the applicance all of those sounds can be affected except for maybe the k and g. Every fricative and affricate is affected, all the time and in all positions for me.

But wait a minute you might say to yourself oh faithful readers. I have a speech-sound distorter in my mouth and I'm supposed to be working with kids who can't say most of the sounds I can't say either?? Hardy har har, that's hilarious, yuck it up, everyone does.

I'm pondering some career-influencing thoughts though:

ONE! It takes a good 2-3 months with a new appliance to get used it. Maybe this is true only for grown ups but I think it depends on the appliance.

TWO! I don't know if I'll ever be able to regain my pre-bite plate articulation for certain fricatives and affricates so if I can't how can anyone expect a child with the same or similar appliance to? Should I not be working with them because there's no point? Talk about LRE!

THREE! What happens to articulation patterns AFTER the appliance is removed? This plate is bulky. It's like having a hard piece of steak glued to the roof of your mouth. ALL THE TIME. How can anyone wear that long term and not sound weird during or after it's taken out?

FOUR! Maybe I should discharge or otherwise put on monitor any child who has funky appliances and are working with those kinds of sounds until 2-3 months post appliance removal. One student I know produced a frontal s, z, ch, sh, and j. He got that curled wire metal thing installed and I swear 2 months later, he's cured! My job is so easy.

FIVE!! What about kids with super severe tongue thrust? I'm thinking more and more that the school environment is not the best setting for those kids of kids. There is an appliance for that, too. Correct the thrust, correct the misarticulation, right? Right?

Good lessons I'm learning here, folks. Maybe after this I can say I 'specialize' in treating kids with braces and other orthodontia. Or not, lol.

Best Diet Ever

I say this at least once a day. I say it when people I haven't seen in a month tell me I now look too skinny. I say it when the Red Robin waitress looks at me like I'm an attention-seeking bitch trying to make a statement when I order the boca burger with no bread, no cheese and no lettuce, extra fries, thank you very much.

The bite plate makes it impossible to take a bite or chew like you're over 7 months of age. So every meal I make that critical choice between baby-chewing or tearing up food into tiny morsels and swallowing it whole. I've discovered I can eat just about anything this second way. I've also discovered that I can eat incredibly fast since I don't really chew or taste anything anymore. This sucks for someone who loves food as much as I. As a former Fatty I must connect with my food. When I eat I need to experience it wholly - chewing and all.

I wonder what my relationship with food will be like in 5-8 months when I get this thing out of my face. Will I stop thinking about food 24/7? Will I stop fantasizing about every chewy, greasy, cheesy, drippy fast food item out there? Or will I change over to the other side and start craving a nice soup? That makes me feel old. Mmm...where can a girl get a nice bisque around here? Who knows, I might end up binge eating that first meal without the bite plate, especially since I'll be running my first marathon in March and I'll be eating everything in site that last month. It will so be worth it. I think I'll start planning my first Chewing Meal now.

Why did you get braces?

I'm asked this question almost every day. I'm always struck why people ask this since I always thought getting braces was a no brainer. I guess we force our children to wear these painfully awkward metal contraptions rather than asking their thoughts so therefore it seems only logical that an adult would need a reason to CHOOSE to wear braces.

When you have braces (or any physical anomaly, really) complete strangers feel they are entitled to share with you their personal experiences with whatever you have going on. That's ok. We're social people, I appreciate that in more ways than one. One adult with braces told me she has inner ear problems and she got braces to fix that, NOT (she stressed) for cosmetic reason. This one in particular struck me as borderline insulting, as if to say most adults who choose to get braces are doing it purely for self-centered reasons.

But you know what? That is one big reason why I have them. I'm mid-30s. I, like many women, have a grocery-list of items I want to change about myself. I have been diligently chipping away at said list for the past 5 years and my teeth are the very last item before checkout, yay!

Let's add that to the fact that I am a Speech-language Pathologist with a growing private practice specializing in pediatrics. Doesn't look very good when your speech therapist has a bottom row of snaggly teeth, right?

Hence my decision to bite the bullet (so to speak) and get braces before disaster strikes and we don't have dental insurance with my husband's job. Little did I realize what I was really signing myself up for. No, I don't want to have 4 teeth pulled. No, I am not interested in oral surgery to correct my horrific bite. Sure, it's ok I can't get invisalign or clear braces. Um, ok, I guess I'll be ok with rubber bands. Are you sure I need a bite plate glued to my face for 9 months affecting how I chew, speak and work with kids?? Sigh. Ok.